people i'm going to throw off a cliff someday - part 1

• People who say "fantabulous" and "ginormous" like they are real words.
  
• Men who have beards and are not a) bikers b) farmers or c) George Clooney/Johnny Depp.
• Anyone, anyone, anyone who uses the word "biatch" (except maybe ironically).
  
• People who can't spell at a Grade 2 level.
• Girls who accessorize in a such a way that it looks like Mr. T was harmed in the making of their handbags.
• Vegetarians who think they're better than everyone else just because they're vegetarians (ever learnt how the ecosystems work, douchebags? just don't eat fast food, you idiots.).
• Fans of Grey's Anatomy - fuckin' mcdreamy and mcsteamy and mcjustfuckingkillme - it's the worst show on TV right now, over and above shit like The King of Queens. (this is gonna be one heavy load).
  
• All the idiots that want to go to war over their pettiness and greed. Tribal, local, national, international...I don't care, just fucking get over yourselves and think about other people for a second, like the little kids that get blown up and families that are orphaned just because you want some piece of land, or you reallly need that oil, or you just gotta be a separate country. Kill that itch or face my wrath bitches!
  
• Politicians who use religion/ethnicity to provoke riots and divide the population.
  
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, although their kids can live...i guess.
• Aishwarya Rai, if that self-absorbed nutjob will ever shut that trap of hers long enough to get my invitation to the cliff-party. Maybe if I offer her "prohns", a rare German fish found only in her imagination.
  
• Simon Cowell, as a public service.
  
• George Michael, because he can't keep the snake in the basket long enough...for anything.
• Mike Judge, because even Beavis and Butthead aren't good enough excuses to live if you also created King of the Hill.
• The creators of Marmaduke, Cathy, the Family Circus, Pickles, and all the other trite comics that are, amazingly, still being published in newspapers everywhere.
• Anyone who ever insults Malayalis or ignorantly uses the term "Malbaris".
• Brown people who think they can be pretty darn "familiar" with me just because we're both brown, and that I should always agree with them on everything.
  
• Brown people who think that they are white, and pretend their moms and dads didn't just come here from some little town in India, what, 25 yrs ago? Even long-time Canadians make references to the "old country", you jerkholes. And, hey, next time you're called a "Paki" or "terrorist", maybe that will remind you that you're not *actually* white or free from the prejudice that you hold against your own kind - and that if you really are as forward-thinking as you would like to believe, then you'd realize that by trying to run away from your heritage (in vain) you're only affirming hick notions that all brown people are losers/fundamentalists. But I hope you never realize these things, so that I can kick your brown asses off the aforementioned cliff.
• Ignorant people who are offensive and obnoxious because they are afraid of things that are unfamiliar to them.
• Frat boys who think they are the shit and that it's okay for them to get down and dirty with underage girls and brag about it in public.
  
• People who smell bad, and are not cash-strapped or anything.
• Women who can work hard, get a degree, get a job, earn great money, but still let their parents/husbands run their lives and think it's totally normal and acceptable.
  
• The parents/husbands who do that.
• Anyone who tries to hurt Wes Anderson.
• People who buy 7000-dollar shoes or 200-dollar perfume although they are knee-deep in debt.