What should my major be? - I've always been pulled in opposite directions!

It's a tie!
	Your major should be part Engineering. Logic is your friend. With enough work, you can find a solution to anything... Unless it involves dating or parties.
	Your major should be part Art. You are sensitive, creative, and you don't follow established rules. Unfortunately, you'll have to follow some rules if you ever want that promotion at Starbucks.

you can believe in something deeply, and still have a sense of humor about it.
those who can't, take life way too seriously. there is much to be serious about, but there is much to relish. if you can't laugh at yourself, if you can't take a joke, then what good are you to others?
the world doesn't revolve around you, or your beliefs. they are your own to hold and value.
i will respect your beliefs, if you will accept that i have mine. i will not say that you are wrong, and i am right, for neither of us has indisputable evidence. let me believe what i will, noone is going to agree with every thing that you believe, and if they do, they are merely trying to get into your good graces.
the ultimate irony is when we preach freedom and open-mindedness, and then proceed to trample on someone's right to believe what they want to. if i believe that islam is the only right path and you laugh at me and try to force your western ideas on me, how are you any better than me? if you say i am backward based on your limited knowledge of my world, with your ethnocentric attitude, can u blame me if i am tired of listening to you?
everyone wants to change the world, but noone wants to start with themselves, by making positive changes to their attitudes, by being better people. "Changing the world" can start with one person being nice to another. We want to end war, yet we are not willing to be nice to the new girl. Or we want a unified, global culture but we scoff at people merely because they are not as sophisticated or "worldly" as we are? People who think they are "worldly" are most often the ones who are not, because to be that arrogant, to imagine that you are *that* aware, to not consider the possibility that there are SO many things that are beyond your comprehension....that is being the opposite of "worldly". Well, it is merely being an arrogant fool.
"Change" is not just a topic for intellectual discourse, it is something that requires each of us to do something to make OURSELVES better people, and together we can make a very significant difference. If each of us tried to be a better friend, a better brother or sister, a better husband or wife...there would be a lower suicide rate, less crime, less violence...both on a smaller scale as well as from a more global perspective. We can contribute to a warmer, more empathetic, more tolerant society. That doesn't mean we should stop all our other efforts, it only means that without this sort of change at a basic level, we are going nowhere.

red green yellow brown melt
bashir minnawi garang salim
the dichotomy reigns supreme.

poop

So he finally asked! And I was surprisingly vague with my response, I actually thought I would flat out say no. Not because he's not a good guy or anything, just because it would be way too much to deal with right now. And I still feel vaguely guilty about these things, although I'm not dating, or even friends with, A. It's really quite ridiculous, he is a total asshole, why do I need to feel bad about this stuff? I used to care for him a lot, but he just wasn't worth it you know? He used to whine about how I would ditch him for my family or for my friends, and look at what he did. I get so mad even thinking about it, or him. Plus, he's probably moved on real quick, I imagine.

I guess I'm also quite wary of dating right now, after that whole fiasco. You love someone, you try to do all you can for them, and they are really nice to you when they need a shoulder to cry on, when they are anxious or upset or panicky or just plain hopeless. As soon as things begin to look up for them, however, they waste no time in telling you how messed up you are, how your life is a "disaster" and other such lovely things. And, of course, picking some losers over you. Losers, some of whom have actually been mean to you - I've stood up for him countless times, both with my friends and outsiders. He didn't when that bitch was so mean to me, he pretended like I was crazy for imagining it. He did the SAME thing with Natalia, I was imagining it all.....and finally, I think he realized what a bitch she really was and how she was screwing us BOTH over. For all his worldliness, he's really easily influenced by ass-kissing whores. Not to mention dim, he thought he had stuff in COMMON with Natalia!! AHAHA. You know what, he does, he stoops to their level, doesn't he? How can people be so disgusting, and then be able to deny it or justify it even to themselves? I mean, however much I might defend myself with other people, I know when I'm wrong or have acted in a disgusting manner. And I try to make up for it, even if I don't admit it openly. Even with him, I used to do that. Oh and when I used to tell him this stuff, he'd act like I was making him feel guilty, would I please stop that? Like I was really harshing his buzz. God, I'm laughing. So I'm not telling him anything anymore, just pretending he doesn't exist.

I know that every girl has to go through her share of crap before they find a nice guy, but I used to think he WAS my nice guy you know? Before all the shit. I don't know, should I just go for it with this boy? There's also that other thing that just never fucking seems to go away.

I don't know, I kind of wish I was done in April so I could just move away. I'm kind of tired of this place and the people. It would do me good to go away for a while. I'm definitely going someplace for the summer, fuck it. And hopefully, after December.
Wow, I wish I hadn't thought of this stuff, I was super pumped after my presentation went well yesterday and just generally stuff is making me happy. I'm excited for the movie tonight. Yay!

Snowflakes silently
settle on my windowsill -
stars falling from the sky.

our battles are repetitious, if not broken, poetry.

my hopes - immediate and distant

• That the bursary gods will make me happy.
  
• That I don't have plagiarism problems for the chem assignment I'm working on right now - if I have to summarize and already concise paper, I CAN'T HELP but write down the same technical terms! *cry*
• That I get a good summer job this year, and fairly soon.
• That I get to go somewhere new this summer.
• That I get my driver's before fall.
• That I keep exercising regularly forever.
  
• That I get more sleep once this semester is done!
• That I have a good summer, personal life-wise and fun-wise.
  
• That I have a boy to kiss when it's so pretty out and I just want to share my extreme happiness about the weather with someone!
  
• That I have sex sooner rather than later.
  
• That I succeed in my *secret plan*.
  
• That I make lots of new friends to make up for the ones that I will be saying goodbye to.
• That I see my friends often.
• That I have atleast two good life plans by the end of the summer!
• That I have a pet, preferably a dog, soon. *my heart is smiling*
• That I fall in love and it makes me happier than Elaine with a lifetime supply of Sponges.
  
• That I get a cool job and make enough money to not have to worry.
• AND LOTS AND LOTS OF ADVENTURE! *high five*
  

Drug-induced Ramblings of a Snarky Brown Squirrel

Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy fight a lot, they try to change each other, they break up, they have jealous spats, pregnancy false alarms, they don't have the same friends. But they end up together anyways and you somehow know it's meant to be. That's why even the most real Hollywood movies are still a far cry from reality. I love Bridget, but it makes me mad that everything works out for her so well in the end! And god, she gets to sleep with Hugh Grant AND Colin Firth! haha. Sort of. Well, I guess I shouldn't be so crabby, I'm only 21. I still have time to find all the pieces of my life and try to force them to fit together in a crude, homemade jigsaw puzzle. And I love her job. I would love to do a travelogue on TV!

Right now, I just sort of feel like death...not like I'm dying, quite, but like I wish I was because that might feel better than this. I don't know what this is, I really hope it's nothing at all, just stress-related and temporary. I've decided that the if I had to get a serious disease, then I'd rather have something that kills me quickly. That's morbid, wow.

Fuck, this is one of those times when you want to be taken care of, and that's not happening because you have to take care of other people or make it sound like you're tough so people don't think you're a big baby. I think all of us want to be taken care of sometimes, and some of us are more honest about it - and that can be annoying, but I'm sure if they get the TLC it is worth it. I want to be with someone that I can take care of when they need it, and who takes care of me when I feel like crap. Yeah, that sounds about ideal. Haha.

I love the scene when Bridget Jones is in Thai prison for "attempting to smuggle drugs out of the country" and all her female prison inmate friends are singing "Like A Virgin", and passing around her pink bra. Heh, this is one of the few chick flicks that I actually like. Okay, I feel like I'm on mushrooms, making no sense. That's it then.